The Greatest (Not) Pavel Datsyuk Quotes

So after Jordan’s post this morning about Twitter, I started looking at a few of those accounts (which I can do without having a profile, ha!), enjoyed a few, then got to @notpaveldatsyuk.  

Holy crap. This is pure gold.

Somehow, @notpaveldatsyuk manages to actually sound like Pavel Datsyuk, but even funnier.  I’m not entirely sure it’s not just Pavel pretending to be a fake version of himself.  In fact, the more I read it, the more I think it is.  Take a look with me, it’s incredible.   

(Not) Pavel Datysuk after the jump: 

First with some just hilarious one liners. 

  • I swear, Helm make one more joke about Danger Zone or buzz the tower before tomorrow’s Jets game, I shoot him down.
  • In locker room now. Homer ask Conklin if he is trying to steal job from him deflecting pucks into nets. 

Fake Pavel is worried about leaving Drew Miller in Buffalo a few days ago…

  • I think we make mistake leaving Buffalo. Drew Miller’s hair look darker. Also, since when does he own goalie pads? 

A hilarious dig on the child, Patty Kane: 

  • In Buffalo tonight. Weird city. Can anybody say why cab drivers flinch when I tell them I am NHL Player for Central Division team?

A couple more that made me laugh out loud. 

  • Milan Lucic run my goalie like that, I make sure he have to eat dinner through straw. I make it twisty straw though. I am no monster.
  • Ian White face has done more to prevent goals this season than Steve Mason whole body. Get well soon, Ian!
  • All Red Wings games are must see! Especially for me. Play blindfolded very hard.
  • I say congrats to all Red Wings for seven year guarantee against being Kronwalled!
  • Yes, I have my own bobble. I also have Hank’s. I put them together. Sometimes Babcock bobble come over and separate them. I do not know why. 

God that last one is good.  Now a black Friday joke: 

  • I almost finish Christmas shopping today. Turns out you cannot buy goal for Bertuzzi.

And I’ll finish with my personal favorite: 

  • Somebody try explain to me why Jimmy Howard not on All-Star ballot. We try keep him getting suspended maybe?

Just incredible stuff.  Whoever runs this (I know its you Pavel, you sly Russian) is a genious.