There are 5 billion people in the world, 4.9 of which are better than Meech

So with the much celebrated return of the Kronwalled to the ice tomorrow, we finally (oh sweet Jesus, thank the Lord!) have the problem of too many defenseman, rather than the usual, who the f’ck is “Doug Janik” moments.  Coupled with the return of the bleeding brain, Lil-ja (I refuse to correctly pronounce his name since the Selanne incident), the Wings have some decisions to make.

First off all, Lebda or Meech?   To me, it is an simple question, like choosing steak over salad, brunettes over blonds, or Keystone over Bud (it is never bitter, seriously).

However, there have been hints over at KK that some seem to want Meech over Lebda, which made me immediately s#!t all over myself after reading it:

I’d much rather see Meech stay than Lebda for these reasons:
1. He’s played every bit as well as Lebda for the past month or so.
2. He’s an RFA next year, not a UFA.
3. He can play forward in a pinch.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids on 01/25/10 at 02:06 PM ET

I couldn’t let that go.  No freaking way.  Not with this sort of hatred of Meech.  So here we go.   A match bigger than Cage/Travolta.  I give you…

Derek Meech

VS.

Brett Lebda

Round One:  1. He’s played every bit as well as Lebda for the past month or so.

Really?  Because I’ve actually only noticed about one retarded play from Lebda per game.  Sure, he’s the least offensive offensive defensemen ever (and that in a way, is sort of offensive…ha!) but he’s only about 1/3 as a window licker as Meech.   It’s a fact.  Look it up.  Science.

I was just about to show a +/- stat, but turns out that Lebda sucks almost as much as Meech. So here’s another point.  According to the Yahoo Hockey God in the Sky, Meech is 5-11, 195.   Have you ever seen a 5’11” person look smaller than Meech?  Lebda is shorter, but at least he doesn’t look like the skinny kid in gym class out on the ice.

Round Two:  2. He’s an RFA next year, not a UFA.

Which is EXACTLY why we have to get rid of Meech, as soon as possible, if not sooner. Because if we don’t, we have to suffer for another 365 painful, never-ending nights with Meech on the blueline, doing everything possible to not be a capable NHL’er.   If you trade (or eliminate…hmmmmm) Meech now and then refuse to resign Lebda, we can look forward to a upcoming year of sunshine, with puppies frolicking, children playing, and wonderful advances in science with allow us to reanimate Mitch Hedberg’s head so he can continue to tell funny jokes.  Like this one:

My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuch’s really goin on down there? Who is the real hero?

Brilliance.

Round Three: 3. He can play forward in a pinch.

Yeah, and Shaq can rap in a pinch too.  Doesn’t mean that he should.

Winner:  I hear Cheli is looking for a job…(not Meech, please, I can’t take much more).

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