Game Notes from a Credible Semi-Alcoholic Wings Fan

Last night’s contest between the Calgary Flamers and the Detroit Red Wings was one we’d like to call a “near-sixty minute effort…but not really.” The boys played hard, skated well but the first ten minutes of the first two periods were total crap. That being said, here is what the drink induced version of me recants of the game:

First Period:

  • Real good shift by the Modano-Hudler-Cleary line early on. Sustained pressure, scoring chances and a 30 second glance of shots on goal from them. Unselfish? This bodes well for those of us that say they’ll one day tire of passing off to one another and eventually learn to shoot.

  • Penalty. PK starts the night out strong. Helmer and Miller, Eaves and Flip. All looking good except for some bonehead plays by the defensemen.

  • Calgary’s goal, Rusty looked confused and pretty terrible. As did Kindl.

  • The Circus answers with a set up of Pavel Valerievich to Homer back to Pavel Valerievich to Zetterberg for an absolute beauty. 1-1.

  • 6 nanoseconds later the Flames regain the lead on an totally retarded this-should-be-an-Ozzy-goal-against type goal.

  • Ericsson finishes the period from the box at a minus 2.

Second Period:

  • No push the first ten minutes.

  • Jimmy makes key saves.

  • That kid Jimmah(!) goes from being bail-us-out-when-we-f***-up goalie to stand-on-your-head-when-we-don’t-bring-our-A-game goalie. He also gets the nod on my “bedroom wall poster frame” over Ozzy. Okay, not really.

  • Datsyuk dangles, as only he can, Hagman to the point of Youtube videos and dishes to Lids for the tying goal. Highlight worthy on the setup, Perfect Human worthy on the goal. Scoring from that far out on a slapper isn’t easy these days, against these goalies. Nick makes it look easy, but then again, it probably is when you have that type of set up from Pavel Valerievich. 2-2.

Third Period:

  • No push the first five minutes.

  • Jimmy makes key saves.

  • Franzen ties it with one of those goals that was a cross between Shanny banking it in off the back of the goalie from behind the goal-line and Pavel Valerievich trying to center it from directly behind the net by throwing over the goalie’s head. 3-2. Todd Berculosis regains the team lead in points, assists, people murdered and money made from terrorist networking.

  • After several chances to put the game on ice, the Red Wings finally put it away when Todd Bertuzzi, the same guy who flew over Cuba in the 1960’s dropping Communist propaganda leaflets, scores a goal by hitting an area in which Ken Daniels criticised Nick Lidstrom (The Perfect Human) earlier for missing.

  • Game over. 4-2.

  • Todd Bertuzzi celebrates by pouring the ashes of an urn of an unknown fan’s dead relative into the dumpster.

My Thoughts:

When we finally got tired of watching Doug Janik try out for the position Jonathan Ericsson’s few remaining brain cells and played PUCK POSSESSION HOCKEY, I thought we played well. That being said, Calgary is one of the most snake-bitten teams I think I’ve ever seen. I’ve watched Iginla for a while, being out west I see more of his games than say, Ovie or Rosby (part because of time zone, part because of my Rosbechkin boycott). He has never looked this bad, even considering his terrible record against Detroit. And pretty much every bad break outside of us starting Chris Osgood Calgary could catch, they caught.

Poor flaming homos(TM Hillary Duff), I know all to well how these types of games go.